


It only hurts when I try

by musicskies (skysthelimit_7)



Series: It only hurts when [2]
Category: Romeo And Juliet - All Media Types, Romeo And Juliet - Shakespeare, Romeo e Giulietta - Ama e Cambia il Mondo, Romeo et Juliette - Presgurvic
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 03:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5952316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skysthelimit_7/pseuds/musicskies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benvolio knew he wanted him to stay. Mercutio wasn't the kind of man who liked to be alone with his own thoughts for long, and he had been spending plenty of time on his own before Benvolio started crashing at his place more often than not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It only hurts when I try

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to "It only hurts when I think", although it's not necessary to read it if you don't feel like it. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! :3  
> Title from “Just another day”, from the musical Next to Normal.

“Benvolio!”

Ben sighed as he heard the Mercutio getting closer and the librarian making an annoyed noise. This was not going to end well. Before he could say anything, Mercutio kissed him with a disgusting slurping noise.

“Aren't you bored?” Merc's voice was loud in the silent room as he came to stand next to Benvolio's chair.

“Shhh, we're in a library! They're going to kick us out!”

Mercutio only smiled wickedly at that, eyes travelling down Ben's body. Benvolio swallowed nervously as Merc bended down, his fingers lightly caressing the skin of his shoulder, bare thanks to his too-big jumper.

“Would that really be that bad?”

Benvolio was totally useless when he kissed him like that, slow and hot and promising, and he moaned helplessly in Mercutio's mouth.

“You two, out!”

The librarian's voice was loud and just right behind them. Ben jumped and Mercutio smirked, winking at him – this had been his plan all along. Benvolio narrowed his eyes at Merc, who only laughed in return.

 

* * *

“I was supposed to study all afternoon. You're such a bad influence.”

Mercutio snorted, stretching out on the bed like a lazy cat. His eyes never left Benvolio's, warm and amused.

“If you'd really wanted to study you would have gone to your house. You're just using me as an excuse so you won't feel bad when you get an A- instead of an A+ tomorrow.”

Ben pursed his lips to hide a smile but didn't deny it. Instead, he brushed some of Mercutio's hair from his face, noticing the way Mercutio's breath hitched almost inaudibly. That small sound, the look on Merc's face, made something in his stomach feel tight. Ben kissed him because why not, he was allowed now, and Mercutio looked beautiful.

“I should really go and study a bit, though.”

Mercutio's smile faltered before turning huge again, but this time it felt a bit more forced.

“ _Or_ you could stay and study anatomy with me a while longer. Which is obviously the more appealing option,” he joked.

Benvolio knew he wanted him to stay. Mercutio wasn't the kind of man who liked to be alone with his own thoughts for long, and he had been spending plenty of time on his own before Benvolio started crashing at his place more often than not.

 

The library was out of the question today thanks to Mercutio. The Montague house was not a good place to study: there was always someone yelling or moving around or coming to his room for whatever reason. There was no intimacy, no peace. Ben bit his lip when he felt Mercutio's fingers travel up his arm, tempting.

“Well, maybe I could study here?” he heard himself saying. Damned Mercutio, he always got what he wanted, Ben couldn't deny him anything. Mercutio grinned, smug, but Benvolio interrupted him before he could say anything. “But no distractions, okay?”

“ _Fine_. I should finish my stupid essay on the Iliad anyways.”

Benvolio made a movement to stand up, but Merc stopped him and kissed him throughouly, hands tangled in Ben's hair and his wonderfully naked body plastered to his. Ben moaned, unable to stop his own hands from roaming Mercutio's back, going lower until he grabbed his ass. Mercutio hummed appreciatevely against his mouth and then, suddenly, let him go. Ben whined, and the other man laughed at him.

“Didn't you have to study?”

Ben narrowed his eyes at him for the second time that day, hating him a bit, and stood up to search for his clothes.

 

They ended up studying on the couch, Mercutio's legs tangled with his. It was pretty comfortable, actually, this unusual silence between them. It lasted for a while, until Merc got tired and started watching funny kitty videos on his phone and Benvolio got too distracted to continue studying.

 

* * *

Sometimes Mercutio had nightmares and woke up with a gasp, and Ben hugged him until he fell back into an uneven sleep. Some other nights, though, were calm, a warm tangle of legs and arms, Benvolio's head resting on the crook between Merc's neck and shoulder. Today was one of these days; when Ben woke up, Mercutio's face was peaceful, his blond curls shining in the morning light in a messy sprawl on the pillow. Ben loved to see him like this, so much he didn't dare reach out and touch him in case he woke him up. He got out of bed silently after a little while, put on Mercutio's pyjama pants – they were too short but surprisingly comfy – and went to the kitchen to have a quick breakfast before grabbing his textbook and getting back to study.

After an hour or so, the door opened, revealing a sleepy Mercutio, hair dishveled and messy. He was wearing Ben's oversized sweater, its huge neck revealing one of Merc's shoulders as he walked to Ben and sat on his lap. Ben kissed his shoulder, his chest feeling tight as his lips travelled up his neck. _I could to this every morning_ , he thinks, and it doesn't even freak him out anymore.

“So the adorable-but-sexy sweater thing works on you too,” Mercutio commented, grinning down at him.

“What?” laughed Ben, slipping his hands under the sweater and caressing bare skin.

“Come on, don't tell me you don't do it on purpose. You're always showing off that shoulder for me to bite.”

Benvolio pursed his lips to hide a smile. He honestly hadn't done it on purpose at first, but he had to admit that since he found out it turned on Mercutio he had started wearing it a bit more often. Not that he would ever acknowledge it.

“I don't! I guess I'm just naturally sexy.”

Mercutio snorted and traced the outline of Ben's lips distractedly.

“ _Right_.” 

 

* * *

Benvolio had stayed at Mercutio's place three days in a row, only coming back home to change his clothes. His aunt had been passively-agressively texting him all day, so he decided to go back at least that night. Plus, Romeo'd had some drama with Tybalt – _again_ – so he probably needed to talk. With this in mind, he picked up his textbooks and his sleeping bag and kissed Mercutio goodbye. Mercutio smiled at him, but it didn't reach his eyes.

“I'll see you tomorrow?” asked Ben.

“Sure. Tell Romeo that I can help him take care of Tybalt, if he wants,” and his grin grew wider, fierce. Ben groaned.

“Remember what we said about not fighting Tybalt anymore?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Mercutio waved his hand dismissively and Ben shaked his head with a sigh, kissing him one more time before leaving.

 

* * *

He couldn't see Mercutio the next day because all his teachers apparently thought their students only had one class and he had too much homework. Romeo also studied in Ben's room, constantly raising his eyes from his textbook and making puppy eyes at his phone like he could make Juliet call him by sheer force of will.

On Friday, he left a bag with a couple of t-shirts, trousers and boxers and left it in his car, so when class was over he just drove to Mercutio's and rang the bell. The door opened and suddenly he was being dragged inside, Mercutio's hands and lips all over him as he pushed him against the entrance door. 

Ben's bag fell to the floor with a thud as his hands went up to tangle in Mercutio's hair, pulling at it a little because he knew it made Mercutio gasp. In turn, Mercutio's teeth found that tender spot between his neck and shoulder and bit and sucked there. Benvolio moaned, partly because of the pain-pleasure sensation and partly because he knew it was going bruise, and everyone would know who had done it. Mercutio laughed at his reaction, licking that same spot on his neck as his hands unfastened Ben's trousers. And then Mercutio was on his knees, licking his lips and smirking up at him, and Benvolio closed his eyes and banged his head on the door, knowing that this was going to end embarassingly fast.

 

* * *

Later, in bed, Mercutio was studying him – there was no other word for it, really. His eyes travelled up and down his body, pausing on the bruise on his shoulder, and then he locked his eyes with Benvolio, like he was looking for some kind of answer there. Ben wasn't used to this kind of scrutiny – Mercutio usually had a thousand things on his mind and always babbled about this or that, but in that moment he seemed unusually focused.

“Everything okay?” Benvolio asked, his hand rubbing cirles on Mercutio's wrist.

Mercutio lowered his gaze then, such an uncommon thing in him that Benvolio started getting worried. He probably freaked out too much over insignificant things, but he couldn't help himself.

“Yeah. It's just. I like it when you're here.”

Ben smiled at that, so wide his cheeks hurt, because Mercutio never said things like these. He could ramble about love all right, but it was more like an abstract thing, never directed at him; it was more like improvised poetry than love declarations.

“I like to be here too,” he said softly, in a really cheesy way, but who cared. He kissed Mercutio's forehead and threw an arm around his waist, pulling him closer.

“It helps.”

Benvolio waited for the rest of it, his hand tracing comforting circles on Mercutio's back. The other man sighed, like he was resigning himself to say whatever he had been keeping to himself all this time, his eyes still not meeting Benvolio's.

“There are so many things I have to do, and sometimes I just can't bring myself to even try to do them, because I know it will never be good enough. My uncle will never be satisfied, Valentine doesn't know what say to me anymore, and I know I'll never become what they want me to be.” His voice was barely a whisper, and his blond curls were hiding his eyes. “So then I start freaking out because I'm not doing whatever the hell I'm supposed to be doing, even though I don't know what that is, and that only makes it worse. It's like a neverending circle, and there's no one to snap me out of it in this empty place. But when you're here... it helps.”

Benvolio didn't know what to say. He didn't know how it felt, to be judged like this, to never match someone's expectations. His aunt was demanding, and even though she placed all her expectations in Romeo, Romeo could always count on Ben for help or support; even so, it had never been that bad. Mercutio was all alone.

He knew living alone was not good for Mercutio, although living with his uncle was probably worse. Still, he hadn't thought it would be this bad. Mercutio was good at hiding things, at pretending everything was fine. Ben couldn't blame him for not telling him before, because he knew how difficult it must have been for him to open up about this. But still, he wished he had noticed. Ben hugged him close then, and Mercutio inhaled sharply and hid in Benvolio's embrace. They stayed like that for a long while, tension eventually leaving Mercutio's body.

“I'll be here for you whenever you need me,” Benvolio muttered, and Mercutio's hands tightened around him.

 

* * *

The next morning, Benvolio woke to an empty bed. He was usually the first one to wake up, so he put on Mercutio's pyjama pants – although they were basically his now – and went to find him in the kitchen. Mercutio was not there. When he was about to turn around and look for his phone, he saw it.

On the kitchen table, there was key. A key to Mercutio's flat. Benvolio grabbed it with a shaky hand and stared at it for a while, then pressed it to his chest, feeling a bit dizzy. His head was spinning with images of Mercutio and him and this place – their clothes on the floor next to the bed as they made love, his books on Mercutio's shelves, both of them cuddled under a blanket on the couch. His head was spinning with images of Mercutio and him and _home_.

 


End file.
